well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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