Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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