i need an iv and a liver transplant
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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