just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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