chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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