five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
