Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
