gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And then he peed in my hair
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