No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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