I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
