i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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