I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
