This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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