I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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