Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
