You really coming over, don't trick.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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