you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
