I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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