We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You're like the curious george of whores
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
