goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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