Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
