Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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