I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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