You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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