i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
