I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
