my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
