just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I could fuck to npr.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
