I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
