I cannot find my penis.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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