im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
