I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
