my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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