guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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