Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
