well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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