I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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