I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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