Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
