Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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