i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
