It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
