i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
