btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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