Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
