When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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