and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
