A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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