You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm bleeding and have questions
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
