So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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