she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
