i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
