is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
