We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
