What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
