the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
