Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You work out of a Hotel?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
