Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
