you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
