Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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