At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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