Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
