you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
