I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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