Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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