He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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