I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
