I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
